So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
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