so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
Such a big mess for such a small penis
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