covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
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