# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
Randomize
