its not stalking. its research.
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
Randomize