When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
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