he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
Randomize
