Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
Randomize
