the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Randomize
