What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
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