nut hugger
I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
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