Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
Randomize
