Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
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