I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
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