so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
Randomize
