I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
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