This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Randomize
