the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
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