Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
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