I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
Randomize
