does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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