She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
So much rum. So many feels.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
Randomize
