You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
Randomize