You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
Randomize
