but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
Randomize
