at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
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