She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
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