Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Randomize