I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
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