I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
