i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
Randomize
