No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
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