It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
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