We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
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