every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
Did you pee in the oven last night??
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