dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
Randomize
