My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
Randomize
