I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
It's shark week go big or go home
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
Text me some of your sweat
Randomize
