I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
We're too hungover to prance.
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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