hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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