fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
Randomize
