She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
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