I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
Randomize
