also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
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