You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize
