I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Randomize
