Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
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