I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
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