Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
