I saw his package. It spoke to me.
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
Randomize
