batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize