Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize
