You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Randomize
