I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
