Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
