My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
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