Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
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