I find it funny that "sexual harassment" contains the phrase "ass sex". Let me know what your thoughts are on the matter.
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Randomize
