I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
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