Dork........ .......... .. . ...... ........... .. . ... ...... .. . .... ..... .. .... ... .......... .... . . ..... Yeah its morse code, no big deal
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
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