what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
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