just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
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