Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
Verdict: uncircumcised.
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
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