Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
Randomize
