Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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