Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
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