i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
