im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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