I like my sex mixed with concussions.
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
If I had your ass I would rule the world
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Randomize