I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
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