remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
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