Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
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