also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
Randomize
