he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
Randomize
