SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
me + whiskey = a bad person
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
