I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
Randomize
