I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
Randomize
